Value of Education

Smarthinkings E-structor Response play (Your marked-up analyse is below this form. ) HOW THIS WORKS Your e-structor has written overview comments ab out(p) your taste in the form below. Your e-structor has in like manner embedded comments in bold and in brackets give the axe-to-end your essay. Thank you for choosing Smarthinkings OWL best wishes with revising your paper *Strengths of the essay how-do-you-do Angelia, and welcome This is Nicole V. , and I result be your tutor for this essay. You have a very interesting topic about curfews.I noniced that you started off your essay by directly hand overing the subject at hand Curfews do non help declare teenagers out of trouble. They tend to still do what they want. A curfew scum bag sometimes be a disadvantage if the teenager is foot race behind or late, it dejection put nip on them. done this, your readers give know right away what your essay is about. Good communication channel Now, lets move on to your revisions. Main Idea/dissertation Angelia, lets work on improving your dissertation account first. A main estimate or thesis statement is the establish you be trying to make in your essay.This should always be save beca drill your main idea allow serve as the topic in which you testament write about. You wrote This does not stop them from doing things they atomic number 18 not mantic to do. They just promote up and do it or make haschisch decisions under pressure from peers. You were not satisfactory to present a carry thesis, Angelia. Remember that you argon writing an leanative essay. Therefore, your thesis statement should present a strong position in an issue and defend that ancestry with reasons.For example Minors should not be in allowed to whoop it up liquor until they are 18 argument because (reason 1), (reason 2) and (reason 3) livelihood points. Youll notice that in the first single out of the thesis statement, I presented a effloresce argument and afterwards pr ovided supporting points, or reasons, why I stand by this argument. Therefore, what is your argument in this issue of loose teenagers a curfew? What is the message you are trying to get across to your readers? How lav you defend your position on the matter?Devising a clear thesis will help your readers understand the purpose and the main idea of your essay, Angelia. To help you with this, you evoke refer to this lesson in the Smarthinking Writers handbook on Thesis dumbfoundment. Organization Angelia, organization is important because this is where you arrange the full stop of your ideas. If your organization is good, this allows the readers to understand your essay better. The outline is base on how you presented your thesis statement, Angelia.However, because you were not up to(p) to present a clear argument, you were not able to defend your reasons for argument well through priggish organization. Now, for example, ground on the thesis I presented above Minors should not be allowed to drink liquor until they are 18 because (reason 1), (reason 2) and (reason 3). Therefore, Angelia, the body paragraphs should be arranged in such a way that I drop discuss for each one discussion point, as presented in my thesis statement, separately I.Introduction II. Reason 1 III. Reason 2 IV. Reason 3 V. Conclusion Providing an outline will help you write your paragraphs in line with your general topic, and allotting one paragraph to discuss each point will allow you to write your answers with concentration. Now, based on the example given, how can you apply this process of forming an outline to your essay, based on your own thesis? To help you with this, you can refer to this lesson in the Smarthinking Writers Handbook on Arguing a Position. Angelia 5443747 has request that you respond to the Transitions Angelia, one way to establish a good b overleap market of ideas in your essay is to use musical passage words. Transition words are like devices that link ide as and sentences to establish a connection. For example, instead of saying I dont like Chinese food. I like Japanese. you can say I dont like Chinese food. However, I like Japanese. Doesnt that sound much better? For example, you may use a transition device to transition to this paragraph Curfews are do to hold the whereabouts of the child.They are made for their protection. Curfews can help keep them safety and alike save their life. It will keep them off the streets at all hours of the night. They will help you grow up with values and respect that will take you a long way in life. Here are a few transition words and phrases that might be stabilising to improve your transitions * When present additional ideas and, also, in addition, furtherto a greater extent * When giving examples for example, for instance, specifically * When comparing also, likewise, similarly When contrasting however, on the other hand, yet, although * When summarizing or final therefore, in other word s * When showing the time after, before, during, next, finally, meanwhile, immediately * When showing the place or direction above, below, nearby, close, far, left, right * When indicating logical relationships therefore, consequently, as a result, thus, since, because Based on these sample transition words I gave, how can you now apply these to improve your essay? You can use these to transition from one idea to another, as well as between paragraphs.Use it sagely good luck, Angelia *Angelia 5443747 has requested that you respond to the Word Choice Angelia, I will skip commenting on this area first because right now, there are more important areas you need to focus on. When youve worked on those, you can return your essay to us at Smarthinking and well gladly help you with the rest. Summary of nigh Steps Our session ends here, Angelia. To make sure you make the best out of your paper, here is a recap of things you need to work on * Develop an argumentative thesis statement. * Or ganize your essay based on the supporting points of your argument. Improve your sentence/paragraph transitions with the use of transition devices. I foretaste my suggestions serve you well in your revision. Dont hesitate to discharge us your essays and revisions as we are always glad to be of help. exclusively the best Nicole V. Find additional resources in Smarthinkings online library You can notice more information about writing, grammar, and usage in Smarthinkings student handbooks. You can visit the Smarthinking Writers Handbook or the Smarthinking ESOL (English for speakers of other languages) Writers Handbook. ************************************************************************ Please look for more comments in your essay below. Thank you for visiting Smarthinking. We encourage you to submit coming(prenominal) essays. *************************************************************************Angelia Nash Professor Smith Eng1123 003 07 Jan 2013 DO CURFEWS KEEP TEENS OUT O F TROUBLE Curfews do not help keep teenagers out of trouble. They tend to still do what they want. A curfew can sometimes be a disadvantage if the teenager is running behind or late, it can put pressure on them.This does not stop them from doing things they are not supposed to do. They just speed up and do it or make hash decisions under pressure from peers. Dont forget to present your thesis, Angelia. The thesis is important as it presents your argument and the key points in which you will defend it. Teenagers with curfews still smoke, drink, skip school day and have unprotected sex. On the other hand some parents trust in curfews because it will cut down on the trouble they can get into if they are planetary house by the curfew time. Curfews do not belittle crime.Most of the crimes that are committed are done when they break curfew. The purpose of curfews is to keep them safe and at home by a decent time. Teenagers that do not have a certain time to be home have a lot more fr eedom and fun than should be allowed by parents. It is not a wise decision for a teenager to go and come as they please. They have no responsibility or work ethnics and nothing to strive for. They have no boundaries set for them, which is needed, nor breeding how to be productive adults. If a teen gets to do as they please, the subprogram of the adult is played by the teen not the parent. You used the comma butterfly properly to present the introductory element in this sentence, Angelia. Observing proper punctuation helps enhance the readability of your paper. Keep it up. They will in the end become very disrespectful because they have not been taught. They will not be used to authority from the so called parent. Curfews are made to ensure the whereabouts of the child. They are made for their protection. Curfews can help keep them safe and also save their life. It will keep them off the streets at all hours of the night. They will help you grow up with alues and respect that will take you a long way in life. A curfew is a vital part of a teenager growing up with morals. They need to be able to get eight hours of sleep at night. This will not overstep if they do not have a cutoff point. A lack of sleep leads to bad grades, horrible attitudes, slacking on activities and disrespectful towards those in the authority to tell the child what to do. You can develop your finding further, Angelia. The conclusion is a chance for you to recap the important points of your essay. Your thesis statement should also be reinforced here, to effectively wrap your discussion up.